Right after Mark proved that our smoke detectors don't work with a huge pot of blackened, nearly flaming rice, Sam burnt rice in our other pot. Our house smells bad, and we're going for takeout.
Edit: as our first FOUR restaurant choices were closed, we went and got pizza at Talarico's. I don't eat cheese. Guess how much I love when we go out for pizza. On the way home after we picked up our slices, a cat runs out in front of us, in Aaron's effort to save this prim fucking douchbag sauntering cat's stupid, smug life, Aaron breaks abruptly, causing our pizza to fall out of the damn box and onto the filthy filthy floor. I have opted to not eat dinner tonight.